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tyleroakley
  • Sun, 20:42: If there's one thing the #Oscars opening sequence taught me, it's that I really don't want to continue watching the #Oscars.
  • Sun, 20:48: Gaga couldn't make it to the #Oscars, so she possessed that woman who just won to give a shoutout to Italy.
  • Sun, 20:52: Billy Crystal is in desperate need of a laugh track. #Oscars
  • Sun, 21:04: "We have nothing exciting planned this year, so let's just have a million fucking montages about how groundbreaking movies are!" #Oscars
  • Sun, 21:21: ELEVATOR FACES IS EVERYTHING. #Oscars
  • Sun, 21:27: Non-actors accepting #Oscars always end up making me mentally beg for the sound-person to play them off. #sorryimnotsorry
  • Sun, 21:34: The mom in the AT&T commercial urging her son to do something that will go viral is how @koreykuhl talks to me every day.
  • Sun, 21:41: Within 10 seconds of me saying, "God, if you exist, make all of those #Oscars acrobats fall," one of them drops. Bitch, I said ALL of them.
  • Sun, 21:43: Gwyneth, shut up and sing some Cee Lo. #Oscars
  • Sun, 21:47: If I had a dollar for every time a celebrity at the #Oscars joked about how rich they were, I'd be making the same jokes.
  • Sun, 21:59: I'm sorry, but every time Hugo wins at the #Oscars, all I can think of is this beautiful image: http://t.co/eKEfOqxw
  • Sun, 22:18: The first two times I saw Titanic, I peed during the same part. 15 years later, my bladder is ready to see how Rose was saved - in 3-D.
  • Sun, 22:24: Mine is 69. Feel free to let me present next year. RT @klout The average Klout Score of tonight's #Oscars presenters is 54.
  • Sun, 22:56: Excuse me, Meryl Streep could play Batman, and be the right choice, she is perfection. #Oscars
  • Sun, 22:59: Oprah is here... Everyone gets an #Oscar! An #Oscar for YOU! An #Oscar for YOU! WOOOO!
  • Sun, 23:33: Hearing nominated actors get sucked-up to makes me wonder what they'd say to an asshole if one was nominated. (Can Chris Brown act?) #Oscars
  • Sun, 23:45: It's been real. Thanks for following along for #Oscars live-tweeting. If I won an Oscar, I'd thank all of you and Angelina's leg.
  • Mon, 01:34: Angelina Jolie's leg has met it's match: http://t.co/qsrgRdUA
  • Mon, 11:07: Just woke up and saw my entire leg peeking out from underneath my blanket. Is this how Angelina Jolie woke up this morning?
  • Mon, 14:47: If thoughts are the most powerful magnets in the universe, and I am the master of my thoughts... I can have, be, and do anything. #TheSecret
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